Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Fellowship Group

I stumbled upon this question, “Are you in a fellowship group in which you can honestly discuss the implications of holy living, be accountable and learn together how to grow as godly men and women?”

A little background on myself before I answer that question…

I am in a fellowship group but I do not feel that I am growing spiritually. It is not that I blame the group but I know myself that my personal time with God is insufficient. I have yet to reach to the point of total surrender to God. I just talk to Him in every little thing I do. I can’t concentrate in a specific hour to just reflect and pray yet. The most I do is to read a passage from the Bible and reflect for a moment.

I feel that I just have fellowship weekly as a routine. If I don’t attend, due to the small numbers of members in the group, we end up canceling cell group which is not fair to the others who can and want to fellowship together. Perhaps I am not open enough to share more problems but somehow, when compared to the other problems and incidents encountered by my other cell group members, I feel mine is insignificant and I am actually very blessed.

The others are very mature godly men and women with one very rapidly-growing godly woman too. They are well advance in their spiritual walk with God that and immersed in their own calling to serve God. I don’t feel left behind. I am in awe and wonder in how God works through His believers. They are examples of what God wants us to be.

Yes, we do learn from each other through example and experiences when we share during our discussion. That’s where we learn the implications of holy living. Somehow, we are accountable to each other through our attendance in cell group to make sure we don’t backslide. However, I feel that’s just on the surface.

Inside, I feel it is not enough. I feel that I am not really accountable to anyone as I have missed some cell group and weekly church celebrations without anyone knowing but myself. I feel I am not learning together how to grow as godly men and women. Instead, I am watching from the sidelines how others grow and blossom. I seem to be watching, observing and waiting.

Sometimes, I feel God wants me to be well-equipped and work within myself first. Hence, I am keen on attending seminars and bible study to learn. But I realized I am not quick to apply God’s word to my life. Sometimes, the words don’t stick on. It is kind of tiring but I feel there is a difference. Everyday, slowly, I noticed my understanding does improve.

So yes, I do get frustrated and angry. I do feel happy and glad. But most of all, I honestly believe that there is great purpose for me which I have yet to see or have not firmly decide on it. In the mean time, I pray that I’ll slowly grow and be of use to Him.

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