Happy Birthday to myself!

It'll be a quiet birthday as I decided not to take leave from work today.
My family had a birthday cake for me which I have blown my candle and made my wish. Hoping my hubby and son will celebrate with me tonight (meaning hoping I don't have to work too late today).

I write this post not to rant or recap gifts and celebration but more of a thankful prayer to God for the many "firsts" I have experienced during the last year. I also continued to pray for more grace and many more "firsts" experiences to come.

Why am I thankful for the last year?
1. I became a wife.
2. I became a mother.
3. I experienced a happy pregnancy with a happy baby.
4. I am blessed with a handsome happy baby boy.
5. I am inspired to name him after one of the four disciples of Jesus even though I just liked the name.
6. I have my family around me supporting during this change of role.

I know I will not be using the word "I" in the next year. I imagine I would be having a thankful list that goes like this... "Matthew has his first tooth!" " Matthew learned to walk!".

In fact, I can start one now.

7. Matthew has 2 of his bottom tooth! I suspect it has been growing for 2-3 weeks plus already because when I nurse him, sometimes it is painful.
8. Matthew has learned to sit properly on his own but still need some watchful eye as he likes to fall back. Such innocence and carefree attitude a baby has.
9. Matthew has such a cheeky laugh and is very friendly to everyone including strangers. I am glad that he likes to light up the life of others even for a short moment with his infectious laugh while kicking happily.
10. Matthew has starting eating solids and seems to enjoy his pumpkin puree the most. I hope I can make more healthy food for him to start him on a good eating habit.
11. Matthew has a loving dad who is trying his best to do what is best for him.

In all, I thank God for Matthew .. as he is the best gift a new mother can ever have. God allows me a glimpse of His feelings as a Father to us and the sacrifices He had to make. Thank God for all these wonderful experiences and feelings. I pray for many more to come. :)

Baby Matthew is here

Finally baby Matthew is here!

It's almost 2 weeks since his arrival and we are trying to get adjusted to his timing. The 2 hourly to hourly feed and diaper change. The little changes in his expressions and funny little noises he makes... We are trying to cherish every moment while keeping our sanity due to lack of sleep..

Sometimes, it's frustrating but I've slowly learn to sleep when he sleeps during day and night so that I'll be less cranky.

I thank God for the smooth delivery and am blessed with the support and help from loved ones, family and even moral support from close friends. Thank you Lord and I pray You'll continue to grant us favour and protect us under Your arms.

:)

p.s. Will write a separate post on my delivery etc... when I have the energy and also time! :)

Emotions and Feelings

I thank God and baby too that I personally feel I do not have too much of mood swings during my pregnancy (my hubby might beg to differ) but I generally do feel good.

I do get annoyed and break down in frustration sometimes but I do need to release the worries and tension inside of me.

To date, these feelings have plagued me on and off which I release to God to help take care for me:

1. Worry about baby in the womb
Due to early pregnancy bleeding and stress from wedding planning plus a last-minute trip to Europe, I couldn't do much but leave it to God. Thank God, He has always been faithful to help me pull through this largest worry.

2. Worry about getting a babysitter
I've only visited 2 potential babysitters which thank God, were introduced by friends - found one couple who seemed nice and not to calculative; hope all goes well and when the time comes to pass my baby to them, they will love my child too.

What helps me through times of worry? God's words from Matthew 6:25-34 (NIV):

²⁵ “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? ²⁶ Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? ²⁷ Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?
²⁸ “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. ²⁹ Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. ³⁰ If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? ³¹ So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ ³² For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. ³³ But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. ³⁴ Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.


<sup>Annoyances
I get irritated when these happen and during these period, I feel no shyness in voicing my annoyances.

1. People complaining about things beyond their control - what I did was smile and try to walk away from the conversation
2. People giving unnecessary opinions - Just tried patiently to "listen" and hold my tongue especially when the people are "older people" which in our culture should be respected.
3. Work thrown to me because I was around during then even though I was not in charge and the new person-in-charge wasn't.
4. Colleague always switching off the air-con when a pregnant lady is usually very hot - I wear very thin top and avoid a squabble because that particular colleague will make it such a big deal by putting on a scarf around her neck. SIGHHHH... no respect.

and the list goes on....  God I pray for more patience.... and hope the annoyances-feelings will not be passed down to my child.</sup>
 
  

2012 in a nutshell

2012 to me is..

1.  Marriage
2.  Family
3. "2 become 1" ... lol
4.  "2 become 3.."

A very momentous year with so many eventful occasion which will impact my life and my husband's life forever.

I thank God  for all the wonderful blessings and pray that He will guide us in our new chapter in life together as husband-wife, son-daughter and now father-mother. :)

Sharing: Testimony of Dr Richard Teo

This has been circulating around the internet but I thought it is best to share in my blog too, to remember God's grace. His testimonial is quite lengthy but believe me, it's worth reading. Some excerpts have been highlighted by the person who previously forwarded this to me.

TESTIMONY OF Dr Richard Teo (died 18th October 2012)

Recorded at the Dental Christian Fellowship , on 24 Nov 2011, 8 months after his diagnosis.

Richard would have liked to share this with you. We are doing this to continue his work.

Please have a read and leave it behind for someone else to benefit from his sharing.

If you would like a copy, please let any of his family or close friends know and we will be able to provide both the audio recording as well as the transcript.

Thank you, and may God bless you richly.

Below is the transcript of the talk of Dr. Richard Teo, who was a 40-year-old millionaire and cosmetic surgeon with a stage-4 lung cancer, sharing at a Dental Christian Fellowship Meeting. He would have liked to share this with you too.

HIS BACKGROUND

Hi good morning to all of you. My voice is a bit hoarse from the chemotherapy, so please bear with me. I thought I'll just introduce myself. My name is Richard, I’m a friend of Danny’s, who invited me here.

I’d just begin to say that I’m a typical product of today’s society. Before this, I was talking about how the media influences us etc. So I’m a typical product of what the media portrays. From young, I’ve always been under the influence and impression that to be happy, is to be successful. And to be successful, is to be wealthy. So I led my life according to this motto.

Coming from a poor average family, back in those days, I was highly competitive, whether in sports, studies, leadership. I wanted it all. I’ve been there, done that. But at the end of the day, it’s still about money.

So in my recent last years, I was a trainee in ophthalmology, but I was getting impatient, cos I had friends of mine who were going out into private practise, making tonnes of money. And there I was, stuck in a traineeship. So I said, ‘Enough, it’s getting too long.’ At that time, there was a surge in protégés of aesthetic medicine. I’m sure you’re aware, aesthetic medicine had peaked over the last few years, and I saw good money in there. So much so that I said, ‘Forget about ophthalmology, I’m gonna do aesthetic medicine.’ So that’s what I did.

The truth is, nobody makes heroes out of the average GP in the neighbourhood. They don't. They make heroes out of rich celebrities, politicians, rich and famous people. So I wanted to be one of these. I dived straight into aesthetic medicine. People were not willing to pay when I was doing locum back in those days. Anything more than $30, they would complain that “Wah, this lo kun (doctor) jing qwee (very expensive)”. They made noise and they were not happy. But the same people were willing to pay $10 000 for a liposuction. So I said, ‘Well, let’s stop healing the sick, I’m gonna become a beautician; a medically-trained beautician.’

And that was what I did – liposuction, breast augmentation, eyelid surgeries, you name it, we do it. It was very good money. My clinic, when we started off, waiting time was 1 week; 1 month; became 2 months; became 3 months. There was so much demand that people were literally queuing up to have aesthetic work done on them. Vain women – easy life!

So the clinic grew. I was so overwhelmed, from 1 doctor, I employed 2, then 3, then 4 doctors, and carried on. Nothing is ever enough. I wanted more and more and more. So much so that we set up shop in Indonesia to lure all the Indonesian tai tai’s. We set up shop, set up a team of people there, to get more Indonesian patients to come in.

So, things were doing well. I’m there, my time has arrived. Around some time in February last year, I said, ‘OK, I have so much spare cash, it’s time to get my first Ferrari. So there I was, getting ready for the deposit. ‘OK! There comes my first Ferrari!’ I was looking for land, to share with some of my friends. I have a banker friend who makes $5 million a year. So I thought, ‘Come, let’s come together. Let’s buy some land and build our houses.’ I was at my prime, getting ready to enjoy. At the same time, my friend Danny had a revival. They were going back to church, some of my close friends. They told me, ‘Richard, come, join us, come back to church.’

I have been a Christian for 20 years; I was baptised 20 years ago, but it was because it was fashionable to be a Christian then. All my friends were becoming Christians then. It was fashionable! I wanted to be baptised, so that when I filled in a form, I could put there “Christian” – feels good. In truth, I had never had a bible; I don’t know what the bible is all about.

I went to church for a while, after some time, I got tired. I said it’s time to go to NUS, stop going to church. I had a lot more things to pursue in NUS – girls, studies, sports etc. After all, I had achieved all these things without God today, so who needs God? I myself can achieve anything I want.

 In my arrogance, I told them, “You know what? You go tell your pastor to change your sermon to 2pm. I will consider coming to church.” Such arrogance! And I said 1 statement in addition to that – till date, I don’t know I’ve regretted saying that – I told Danny and my friends, “If God really wanted me to come back to church, He will give me a sign.”. Lo and behold, 3 weeks later, I was back at church.

THE DIAGNOSIS

In March 2011, out of the blue – I was still running around, ‘cause I’m a gym freak and I always go to the gym training, running, swimming 6 days a week. I had some backache, and that’s all I had, but it was persistent. And so I went for an MRI to exclude prolapsed disc. And the day before I had my scan, I was still in the gym, lifting heavy weights, doing my squats. And the next day, they found that half my spine had bone marrow replacement. I said, “Woah, sorry, what’s that?” We had a PET scan the next day, and they diagnosed that I had terminal lung cancer, stage 4B. It had spread to the brain, half the spine, whole of my lungs were filled with tumour, liver, adrenals… I said, “Can’t be, I was just at the gym last night, what’s going on?” I’m sure you know how it feels – though I’m not sure if you know how it feels. One moment I was there at the peak, the next day, this news came and I was totally devastated. My whole world just turned upside down. I couldn’t accept it. I have a hundred relatives on both sides, my mom and my dad. 100 of them. And not a single one has cancer. To me, in my mind, I have good genes, I’m not supposed to be having this! Some of my relatives are heavy chain smokers. Why am I having lung cancer? I was in denial.

HIS ENCOUNTER WITH GOD

So the next day, I was still in a state of denial, still unable to accept what was going on. There I was lying in an operating theatre in a hospital, for a needle biopsy (for histology). There I was, just completed the biopsy, and lying in the operating theatre. The nurses and doctors had left; told me I had to wait for 15 minutes to do a check X-ray to make sure there’s no pneumothorax (a complication).

And there I was, lying on the operating table, staring blankly at the ceiling in a cold, quiet operating theatre. Suddenly I just heard an inner voice; it was not like coming from outside. It was inside. This small inner voice that I had never felt before. And it said very specifically, it said, “This has to happen to you, at your prime, because it’s the only way you can understand.”

I said, “Woah, why did that come from?” You know, when you speak to yourself, you’d say, “OK, what time should I leave this place? Where shall I have dinner after this?” You’d speak from a first person point of view. You don’t say, “Where should YOU go after this?” Whereas the voice that came spoke as a third party. It said, “This has to happen to YOU, at YOUR prime, because this is the only way YOU can understand.” At that time, my emotions just overflowed and I broke down and cried, alone there. And I knew then, subsequently, what it means to understand that why this is the only way. Because I had been so proud of myself, my whole life, I needed nobody else. I was gifted with things that I could do, why do I need anybody else? I was just so full of myself that there was no other way I could have turned back to God.

In fact, if I were diagnosed with stage 1 or 2, I would have been looking around busily for the best cardiothoracic surgeon, remove a section of the lobe (do a lobectomy), do preventive chemotherapy…The chances of it being cured is extremely high. Who needs God? But I had stage 4B. No man can help, only God can.

A series of events happened after that. I wasn’t sold after that, because of the inner voice, I became believing, prayers, all that. No I wasn’t. To me, it was just ‘maybe there was a voice; or maybe that was just me talking to myself.’ I didn’t buy the story.

What happened next was that I was being prepared for chemotherapy. I started off with a whole brain radiation therapy first; takes about 2 -3 weeks. In the meantime they prepared me for chemotherapy, supplements etc. One of the things they used for chemo was a thing called Zometa. Zometa - they use it to strengthen the bones; once the bone marrow (replacement) is cured of cancer cells, it becomes hollow, so we need Zometa to strengthen the bone to prevent compression fractures. One of the side effects of Zometa is that it can cause osteonecrosis (bone death) of the jaw, and I had to have my wisdom teeth removed. Years ago, I had my upper wisdom teeth removed, cos it was giving me trouble. The lower ones didn’t give me trouble so I said, “Forget it, just leave it.” So of cause, Danny volunteered to remove it for me.

So there I was, lying there in a dental chair, asking myself, suffering all the side effects of radiotherapy, and now I have to go through wisdom tooth surgery. As if I’ve not had enough to suffer! So I asked Danny, “Eh, bro, is there any other way? Can I not go though this?” He said, “Yes, you can pray.” 

I said, “What’s there to lose? Ok lah, pray lah!” And so we prayed. And we did an X-ray after that. Everything was all there, all the appliances and everything. And lo and behold, the Xray showed that there was no wisdom teeth in the lower jaw. I know most people have 4 wisdom teeth, maybe some have none, but to be missing one or 2, as I understand – I’m not too sure, as I understand – is not that common.

Still I was, “Nah, I don’t care about that.” To me, as long as I didn’t have to take out the tooth, I was happy. At that point, I still wasn’t sold on prayers. Maybe it was just a coincidence – for whatever it’s worth.

I continued meeting my oncologist, asking him, “How long do I have?” I asked him. He said, not more than 6 months. I said, “Even with chemotherapy?” About 3 – 4 months, he said. I couldn’t grasp that. It was difficult to come to terms. And even as I went through radiotherapy, I was struggling everyday, especially when I wake up, hoping that it’s just a nightmare; when I wake up, it’s all over.

As I was struggling, day after day, I went into depression, which is the typical denial, depression blah blah blah that you go through. But for 1 reason, I don’t know why, there was this specific day that I was supposed to meet my oncologist. At about 2pm, I felt this sudden surge of peace, comfort, and in fact, a little happiness. It was just overflowing. For no rhyme or reason, it just came about 2pm, as I was getting ready, dressing up to meet my oncologist. So much so that I whats-apped all my friends that, “Bros, I just feel so good suddenly! I don’t know why, it just came!”

And it was only days, or was it weeks after, that Danny revealed to me that he had fasted for 2 days for me, and he was bargaining with God, and fasted for 2 dyas, and he ended his fast at that exact same point, about 2pm thereabouts, that this surge of sensation came to me for no rhyme or reason. And I didn’t know that he was fasting for me. And when he ended the fast, I felt that sensation!

Whoa, things were getting a bit too coincidental. I was starting to buy a bit of the story, but still I wasn’t sold. As days passed by, I completed my radiotherapy, about 2 weeks plus. Getting ready for chemo, so they let me rest for a few days.

See, the mortality rate of lung cancer : Lung cancer has the highest mortality rate. If you add up breast, colorectal (colon) cancer, and prostate cancer (the top few cancers in Singapore for men and women), if you add up the mortality rate of these 3, it still doesn’t add up to lung cancer. Simply because, you understand, you can remove the prostate, the colon, the breast, but you cannot remove your lungs.

But there’s about 10% of lung cancer patients who do pretty well for some reasons, because they have this specific mutation; we call it the EGFR mutation. And it happens, only 90% of the time, in Asian ladies who never smoked in their lives. Me, first of all, I’m male. 2ndly, I’m a social smoker. I take one a day after dinner; weekends, when my friends offer me, I take it as well. I’m a light smoker, not a social smoker. But still, my oncologist was still not hopeful for me to have this mutation. The chances of it happening for me was maybe 3-4% for me to get it. That’s why I was being primed to go for chemo. But through all the intense prayers, friends like Danny, people that I don’t even know, it turned out that, during my waiting for chemo, the results came back that I was EGFR positive. I was like, “Woah, good news!” Cos now I don’t have to undergo chemo at that time, because there’s this oral tablet that you can use to control this disease.

Just to share with you some idea – this is a CT scan – thorax – of my lungs, before treatment. 

AFTER BEFORE

Every single dot there is a tumour. You can see all the mets (metastasis) there. This is just one single plane. Literally I had it in both lungs, and I had literally tens of thousands of tumour. That’s why the oncologist told me, even with chemo, at most 3-4 months.

But because of this mutation, they have this oral medication. This is what happened after 2 months of treatment. As you can see over here; this is what God can do. And that’s why I’m still here having this opportunity to share with you. As you can see over here, the difference between before and after treatment.

At that point, I said, “Well, it’s to be expected, isn’t it? The medicine is good.” I’m still not buying the story. Well, the guys prayed for me and the tumour markers started to come down. 90% of the tumours were wiped out, and the tumour markers came down to more than 90% over the next few months.

But still, you know, once you have the clinical knowledge, you know the statistics. One year survival, two year survival; having all this knowledge is not a good thing. Cos you live with the knowledge that even with all this, the cancer cells are so unstable, they keep mutating. They will overcome and become resistant to the drugs, and eventually you’re gonna run out of medication.

 So living with this knowledge is a huge mental struggle, a huge mental torture. Cancer is not just about a physical struggle, it’s a huge mental torture. How do you live with no hope? How do you live with not being able to plan for the next few years? The oncologist tells you to bear with it for the next 1 – 2 months. So it’s a lot of struggles as I went through: March, then April. April was my lowest point, in deep depression, struggling even as I was recovering.

HIS ACCEPTANCE & PEACE

And one of those days, I was there in bed, struggling in the afternoon, asking God, “Why? Why do I have to go through this suffering? Why do I have to endure this hardship, this struggle? Why me?" As I fell asleep, in my dreamy state, a vision just came, that says Hebrews 12:7-8. Now mind you, at this time, I had not read the bible. I have no clue what’s Hebrews, I don’t even know how many chapters there are. Totally clueless.

But it says Hebrews 12:7-8, very specifically.

I didn’t think too much of it. I just continued sleeping. Then I woke up, and I said, “What’s there to lose? I’d just check it out lah!” Danny had bought me a bible; it’s still quite new. I said, “It’s ok, just try.” So I flipped to the Old Testament. Hebrews to me sounds like something ancient, so it should be in the Old Testament right? So I flipped through the Old Testament. No Hebrews there. I was so disappointed.

Then I said, “Maybe New Testament, let’s have a look!”. WOW – New Testament, there’s Hebrew’s!! It says Hebrews 12:7-8. It says, “Endure hardship as discipline as God is treating you as His children.”

I said, “WAH!! Where did that come from?” I was getting goose pimples all over my body. I said, “This can’t be, right?” I mean, what’s the chance of somebody, who has never read the bible, to have a vision of a chapter of a specific verse, that answers my question directly?

I think God called to me directly as I was there sleeping, struggling with it, asking God, “Why do I have to suffer? Why do I have to suffer this?” And God says “Endure hardship as discipline as God is treating you as His child.”

At this point, the chance of that happening is even lesser than my EGFR being positive. There’s just no way; there’s so many millions of thousands of verses in the bible, how can I just conjure up something like that?

So at that point, I was sold I said, “YOU WIN! YOU WIN!!”

Ok , I was convinced. And so from that day onwards, I started believing in my God. And the last time I heard that inner voice was the end of April. And that inner voice, same thing, in the afternoon, as I was sleeping (this time I wasn’t struggling, just going to sleep). In a dreamy state I just heard Him say, “Help others in hardship.”

It was more like a command, rather than a statement. And that’s when I embarked on this journey, helping others in hardship. And I realised that hardship is not just about being poor. In fact, I think a lot of poor people are probably happier than a lot of us here. They are so easily contented with whatever they have, they’re probably pretty happy.

Hardship can happen to rich people; it can be physical hardship, mental hardship, social, etc. And also over the last few months, I started to understand what this true joy is about. In the past, I substituted true joy with the pursuing of wealth. I thought true joy is about pursuing wealth. Why? Cos let me put it to you this way, in my death bed, I found no joy whatsoever in whatever objects I had – my Ferrari, thinking of the land I was going to buy to build my bungalow etc, having a successful business.

It brought me ZERO comfort, ZERO joy, nothing at all. Do you think I can hold onto this piece of metal and it’s going to give true joy? Nah, it’s not going to happen. 

True joy comes from interaction with other people. And at a lot of times, it is a short term pride, the past. When you pursue your wealth, Chinese New Year is the best time to do it. Drive my Ferrari, show off to my relatives, show off to my friends, do my rounds, and then you thought that was true joy? You really think that those guys who sold you your Ferrari, they share their joy with you? And your relatives, wow, they share this joy with you? In truth, what you have done is just to illicit envy, jealousy, and even hatred. They are not sharing the joy with you, and what I have is that short-term pride that wow, I have something you don’t have! And I thought that was joy!

So what we have is basically a short-term pride at the expense of somebody else. And that wasn’t true joy. And I found no joy at all on my deathbed, thinking of my Ferrari – to hold on to it, sayang it?!?

True joy I discovered comes from interaction. Over the last few months I was so down. Interaction with my loved ones, my friends, my brothers in Christ, my sisters in Christ, and only then was I able to be motivated, able to be uplifted. To share your sorrow, to share your happiness – that’s true joy. 

And you know what makes you smile? True joy comes from helping others in hardship, and because I’ve gone through this, I know what hardship entails. In fact, there’re some cancer patients who tell me a lot of times, people come up to them and tell them, “Stay positive. Stay positive.” Yah, right. You come in my shoes and you try to stay positive! You don’t know what you’re talking about!

But I have the licence. So I’ve been going out to meet other fellow cancer patients, to share with them, encourage them. And I know, because I’ve been through it, and it’s easier for me to talk to them.

And most importantly, I think true joy comes from knowing God. Not knowing about God – I mean, you can read the bible and know about God – but knowing God personally; getting a relationship with God. I think that’s the most important. That’s what I’ve learnt.

So if I were to sum it up, I’d say that the earlier we sort out the priorities in our lives, the better it is. Don’t be like me – I had no other way. I had to learn it through the hard way. I had to come back to God to thank Him for this opportunity because I’ve had 3 major accidents in my past – car accidents. You know, these sports car accidents – I was always speeding , but somehow I always came out alive, even with the car almost being overturned. And I wouldn’t have had a chance. Who knows, I don’t know where else I’d be going to! Even though I was baptised it was just a show, but the fact that this has happened, it gave me a chance to come back to God.

Few things I’d learnt though:
 1. Trust in the Lord your God with all your heart – this is so important.
 2. Is to love and serve others, not just ourselves.

There is nothing wrong with being rich or wealthy. I think it’s absolutely alright, cos God has blessed. So many people are blessed with good wealth, but the trouble is I think a lot of us can’t handle it. The more we have, the more we want. I’ve gone through it, the deeper the hole we dig, the more we get sucked into it, so much so that we worship wealth and lose focus. Instead of worshipping God, we worship wealth. It’s just a human instinct. It’s just so difficult to get out of it. We are all professionals, and when we go into private practise, we start to build up our wealth – inevitably. So my thought are, when you start to build up wealth and when the opportunity comes, do remember that all these things don’t belong to us. We don’t really own it nor have rights to this wealth. It’s actually God’s gift to us. Remember that it’s more important to further His Kingdom rather than to further ourselves.

Anyway I think that I’ve gone through it, and I know that wealth without God is empty. It is more important that you fill up the wealth, as you build it up subsequently, as professionals and all, you need to fill it up with the wealth of God.

I think that’s about it. It’s good to share. Thanks.

It's finally over... surreal

Can't believe time passes..

My wedding dinner is over and thank God, it went smoothly IMHO. My husband might complain a little on some tweaking and delays but life is never perfect.

It was weird that I was so stressed the night before preparing the table seating chart and rechecking the guest lists but then the next morning, magically the stress disappeared. I was merely concentrating on looking pretty and smiling the whole day. :)

Highlights worth sharing from my side as the bride:

1. Get good friends to be your bridesmaid / "chi muis". 

I am very thankful my dear girlfriends made the morning session fun a little but squeezing in some silly games to play with the bestmen/ "heng tais". (Decent games, mind you!) I'm also thankful they are good accountant friends to help me collect "ang pow" (money gifts) during my wedding dinner and calculate properly for me to pay off the restaurant the same night! One of my friend, Boon Eng even brought calculator, rubber bands, paper weight to help ease the process. After my dinner, I could easily compile the money needed to pay the restaurant quickly. Thank you very much to Wen Nie, Boon Eng and Sue!!

Not forgetting other friends who backup for me: Seet Yan for downloading wedding songs!! :)

2. Good makeup artist

I actually throw caution to wind and took a makeup artist which I didn't really test out. I bought a trial makeup session from an online deal website and wasn't too please with the result. It was done by a student of the makeup studio and then the "teacher" came and added some touch ups. I was intrigued and decided to take her instead.

On the actual day, she was late because she came from Sungai Buloh to BKT town and got lost. Poor thing. To make matters worse, we both communicate with each other like chicken and duck because she's not fluent in English and my Mandarin is passable.

Anyhow, thank God, she finally arrived half hour later. She spend lots of time doing my makeup with face contouring and eye defining. She added a large flower to my hair (which normally I don't fancy) but turned out very nice. She is so nice also to help me sew part of my gown and suggested I wear double bra since my gown was too loose (I lost weight!!). Ironically, I found out this happen to my friend too who is the first owner of the gown! Lol

Dinner time, I was half hour late for my makeup because our "jam cha" (tea ceremony) session finished late. More like guests left late about 3.30pm and we didn't realise we didn't have much time tille 5pm!!

Anyway, again, dinner makeup was nice also. She even helped me put my additional short Shu Uemura lash with stars to give me the glitz I wanted. She did something I didn't request again - she puffed up my hair to the front that it looked faked to me and she put my necklace in my hair. I find it a bit too much but my friends reassured me it was nice for dinner. Thank you Kat from JAP Station, Kepong. Really appreciate your personal touches for my day.

3. Good MC/ organiser for dinner

Thank God, my hubby's cousin managed to push her flight the next day and agreed to be our MC cum organiser for the wedding dinner. Why is this post important? You need someone to arrange with the restaurant manager when the food can be served, when the food should stop for toasting/cake cutting, etc.

Seriously, without her, we couldn't have a smooth wedding dinner. Plus to coordinate with our other friend, "Russell" when to play the slideshows. Thank you Irene!


In the end, I don't think many remembers the dinner. We the groom and bride didn't even eat half the dishes because we had to go table-to-table to entertain friends and guests. Thankfully, I just got pictures from my friend who took every dish. (Alina's habit to take pics of the food she eats! ;) ) Plus the fact, they serve individually to the main table; so you don't get to see the whole dish.

A big heartful thanks to my HUBBYY!! Bravo! You survived that one day stress! :P Others days I was stressing and thank you for being supportive and finally marrying me traditionally.. hahahahha.. (evil laugh)

Relationship with God

I admit that sometimes with the hustle bustle of work and life; I tend to back-slide and lose focus on God.

I decided to put a devotional book in the car to read during those horrid traffic jam and today I flipped towards this page with the verse:

He went a little farther, and fell on the ground and prayed. (Mark 14:35 NIV)

The devotion focused on the night Jesus spend in scared prayer in the Garden of Gethsemane and the different responses he got from the people:
1. Indifferent - those who are unaware of Jesus' presence in the garden
2. Selfish - Judas who was too busy with his own schemes to join Jesus
3. Unfocused - the other disciples who joined Jesus but were distracted by sleep.
4. Unaware - the inner circle of disciples who did not comprehend when Jesus told them the urgency of the hour.

The phrase used "Ultimately, Jesus prayed alone. He went farther than His disciples and prayed longer. At the greatest moment of intercession in human history, there was no one willing to go with Jesus and watch with Him" (Experiencing God by Henry and Richard Blackaby, page 84)

The following phrases touched my heart: "at the greatest moment of intercession" and "no one willing to go". Ironically, it is not that "no one" wants to go but it is more like unaware of the importance to want to go. If they knew it was the greatest moment, everyone would have flocked with Jesus.

But the important lesson is, that we will never know when the greatest moment will arrive.
We will never know that slight prompting by the Holy Spirit is actually to tell us the time has come.
We will never know that the one time you decided to forsake God for your own activities, it was that moment.

What I know is that there is many examples in the bible which reminds us to always be ready; to always prepare the lamp for the groom (Matthew 25).

We must continue to deepen our relationship with God so that we will be more alert and aware to His calling. For we will never know when, how and what will happen in future. The only thing that is constant in our lives, is the presence of God.

Ending the year of 2010

It is almost that time of the year again. Christmas time then New Year 2011. I can't believe that time really passes in a blink when we're stuck in the working world. It's scary to look back and realised that you're no longer that young teenager just fresh out of school.

Let's see.. how should I treat the beginning of 2011?

Some take this as a time of reflecting and others a new beginning.
Resolutions are made again - either carry-forwards from the previous years or new ones.
(I need to refresh some old ones and I have in mind of some really important ones)

It's time to do your income tax again (groan)
It's time to dread adding another year to your age.
Or it's a time for celebration that you can live here another year with your loved one.
It's also time to give thanks for all the grace and favours God has showered over me and my loved ones.
It's time to remember the purpose in life...

I guess I've back-slided over this year based on feelings of rejection and bitterness. Some might say I oversensitive, emotional and that one should always learn to forgive. But.. you and I know, these things are always easier said than done.

Hence, for 2011, I pray Lord for your grace. So that I can learn to forgive and forget. Then continue to move on with my walk with You. Lets us run the race so that we can end it with a bang for the Lord!

Then we can tell the Lord that "I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith." (2 Timothy 4:7- NIV)

Running away (Psalm 55)

I did not realised that Psalm 55 reflects my feelings when I feel like running away. (Escapism!)

I said, "Oh, that I had the wings of a dove!

I would fly away and be at rest-

I would flee far away

and stay in the desert; (Psalm 55:6-7)

When I've grumbled and exclaimed that I wish I can just throw down everything, pack and leave. In fact, I've always have this image in my mind to calm myself: imagining I'm finally a butterfly emerging for the cocoon... to fly away free from the confines of the "cocoon" of life.

Psalm 55 actually speaks of the betrayal King David experienced from his counsel/close companion Ahithophel. He speaks of how he can endure enemies but the bitterness felt from the betrayal of a close, trusted friend is heart breaking.

If an enemy were insulting me, 

I could endure it;

if a foe were raising himself against me, 

I could hide from him. (Psalm 55:12) 

However, what caught my attention was this verse:

His speech is smooth as butter, 

yet war is in his heart; 

words are more soothing than oil, 

yet they are drawn swords (Psalm 55:21)

Imagine that - betrayal is clearly illustrated in verse 21. How precise is the description!

In life, when everything comes tumbling down, we feel pressed down, remember even King David shout out to God for respite. He may have fought battles with enemies but he got betrayed too and felt hurt.

How does this apply to me?
Many times we turned to our fellow friends for solace and comfort. Then we get easily hurt and we forgot they themselves are human (tendency to sin). We should seek God in times of need and in good times too, by glorifying His name.

How does this encourage me?
I feel assured that whatever happens to me in life - it's normal. Kings, paupers, peers and basically people will experience ups and downs, one way or another. Whatever obstacles life presents itself, I must always remember there is a way out of it. God makes a way which we only need to take and then life would not seem so stifling that I would always wish to fly away.

Excerpt Book Review: Mentoring Paradigms (Edmund Chan)

I bought this book during the last seminar by Edmund Chan which I attended a few years back. I've taken into reading books with short chapters during the traffic jam while driving to work. This book is called Mentoring Paradigms (by Rev. Edmund Chan)

This book has 30 paradigms on mentoring which is about 4-5 pages long each; it's easy to read but requires personal reflection. I try to read and ponder on each paradigms while I drive to work/stuck in the traffic jam.

Hence, today I shall share with you Paradigm no. 6- Mentoring with The End in Mind:Perspective, Posture, Pragmatics and Power

(Note: It is hard for me to paraphrase the words he used because I find that Edmund Chan's words have expressed the true meaning very effectively. I'll be quoting a lot of his words in italics in this review.)

 A Certain Kind of Perspective
"We need to encounter the truth, experience the truth and embrace the truth."

We are being mentored by the Scriptures. This is the way to renew the mind by our daily devotion. Rev. Edmund continue to stress that there is no short-cut to this. It is a daily investment to allow the Scriptures to tutor our hearts to obey it (in his words).

A Certain Kind of Posture
There is a certain receptivity and meekness that marks true disciples (Isa 66:2)

He continues to explain that meekness is not weakness. I perceive the meekness here as humbleness. I like the way he explains the posture in terms of three aspects: brokenness, meekness and openness.

A certain kind of posture is thus about a brokenness of heart before God, a meekness of heart in God and an openness of heart to God. (by Edmund Chan)

A Certain Kind of Pragmatics
Pragmatics is intentional skill development -a disciplined and growing competence in both life-skills and ministry.

I like that this sentence he used "Life is too short to be lived without thoughtful, skilled competence". He stressed the importance of this skill to have the emotional reservoir and capacity to deal wisely with them-not react to them."

A Certain Kind of Power
God's very presence is His very power!

Rev. Edmund explains that power belongs to God. Power in man is a by-product. Hence, sadly, fallen humanity has tried to grab power through pride or shun God's power through unbelief and sometimes do both.

Conclusion
I must remember to let the Scripture mentor me daily to remember the right perspective so that the Holy Spirit can nurture me to grow in the right posture to learn the right skills needed to be used by our Father God. I pray, I'll remember not to stray from the path.. :)

What is Easter?

Belated entry but I just got an email again which I received ages ago, which depicts what it Easter means or more of the meaning of God's love for us. I wonder who is the illustrator for these images.

Take a look at these lovely illustration, showing how great our Lord is to us. :)  (taken directly from the forwarded e-mail)

Awesome!! We complain about the cross we bear but don't realize
it is preparing us for the dip in the road that God can see and we can't.

Whatever your cross, whatever your pain,
there will always be sunshine, after the rain....

Perhaps you may stumble, perhaps even fall;
But God's always ready, to answer your call.....

He knows every heartache, sees every tear,
a word from His lips, can calm every fear...

Your sorrows may linger, throughout the night,
But suddenly vanish, dawn's early light...

The Savior is waiting, somewhere above,
to give you His grace, and send you His love...

God promises a safe landing, not a calm passage.

.and you question God - 'Why me?'..

always look at the bigger picture and you will see that God is always there.

A day without the Lord IS a day wasted .

God is going to shift things around for you today

and let things work in your favor. 

Personally, I find many of us, Christians or not, still forget that God is there for us through trials and tribulation. When something goes wrong, we blamed him, not realising the bigger picture and the purpose of the events. Be thankful with what you have and what you are now. For Jesus Christ has borne all our sins on the cross so that we can have all the blessings we have when we rest in the Lord.

Freak Accidents Happen for a Reason

Freak accidents happen when we least expect it. No matter how careful we think we are. When it happens, it’s not something we welcome but unfortunately it’s a reality we cannot change. .I, sincerely hope their loved ones will move on with their lives.

Today’s paper wrote “Baby Falls to Death at High-rise Condominium”.

Excerpt:
Playtime for a one-year-old baby boy turned tragic after he slipped from his father’s arms and fell to his death from the sixth floor of a high-rise apartment in Pulau Tikus here. It is believed that the toddler might have struggled while the father was holding him, causing the man to lose his grip.

The man, in his 30s, had been looking down from the balcony of the medium-cost apartment at about 7pm as he showed his son the view down from their floor when the incident occurred yesterday. The father then rushed downstairs but his son, whose body landed on the ground floor, had died from the fall.

I also remember a case whereby the mother accidentally pressed the accelerator of the car and it drove over to the road kerb, over her toddler daughter she had purposely placed carefully over there. This is an example of another unexpected freak accident.

No parent would want that. Imagine the mother’s nine-month pregnancy and the bond of the parents over their child. Their agony is unimaginable for someone like me.

However, I’m told of the importance of grieving and then moving on. I just hope they can learn to stop blaming themselves and move on with their lives especially since they’re still young. It’s not easy but I know some who have done so.

This couple has lost his son to strong current of the river while he was trying to save another drowning friend. The mother shared that initially she blamed the guardians of the trip there but had learned to forgive and believe their son is up in heaven. They strongly believe that even thought they lost a son; God is giving them more “sons” to care for as now they’re working with teenagers and children.


Hence, always try to look at the silver lining and move on with your life. In fact, Christians believe that when we die, we leave our bodies (temporary vessels) and return back to God in His kingdom. Death is not the end of our lives - it marks the beginning of our lives with God. Knowing that your child is save with God would be comforting. Just a reflection...

Post-Christmas 2009 – Part 2

Christmas Dinner

My cell group had a little get-together this year over a member’s place. It was pot-luck night and I, being single, got the easiest task of bringing fruits. Lazy me bullied my dad to buy a watermelon and helped me cut it too.

Images are not of the real events. Googled them up to liven up my entry. Hehe

Gosh – should have taken pictures of the food, will get some pictures from other members who did take some. We had a very Malaysian array of food: nasi lemak with spicy and yummy sotong sambal (even though it stings my mouth – I continued having seconds of the sambal… hahahah), fried mihun, chicken curry, beef rendang, chai kueh, stuffed taufu, fried meat rolls, fried fish ball, pineapple jelly, chocolate cake, fruitcake, watermelon and a few others I did not try.

We started the night with dinner then ice-breaking games. I wasn’t involved in organizing any of the events for the night so this is a guest’s point of view. The guy in-charge brought a bedsheet – I was puzzled.

We had a game whereby the bedsheet separated 2 groups of people like the badminton net. Then a random few would be selected to hide behind the sheet. When the sheet is dropped, the person who shouts out the name of the other person over the sheet first wins. Laughter filled the air with slow response or naughty participants who change their name tags.

Images are not the real events. Googled to liven up my entry. Hehe

Few games later, we sang Christmas carols with the cell leader, expertly strumming the guitar. A fellow member shared his testimonial on how God has helped him through his tough times. Never knew that about him but I hope his sharing has touched some.

We ended the night with a last Christmas carol “We Wish you a merry Christmas and a Happy New Year” and present-exchange sessions. :)

I hope my friend enjoyed myself somehow and will be a little open this kind of events. I wanted her to experience herself how a Christmas get-together by cell members was done. :)

2010 Resolution

They say “young people” feel invincible. Why?

Somehow, “young people” perceive they are immortal with reckless behaviour and daring stunts. Some might event say they throw caution to wind and dare to take risk. They think they still have many years ahead in their lives to live seriously and boringly in a routine job.

However, despite the advent of new technologies and better medical treatment, the life span of this generation is not as impressive as our grandparents’ era.

For example, my friend’s grandparents who owned a laundry shop are now in their mid 80’s and going strong. Even her grandfather still drives around (I was surprised they still renew his license) but he is healthy, fit and independent. Unfortunately, my friend’s mother passed away a few years before.

Parents now outlive their children. Some cannot even “reap” the benefits of raising their children who suddenly stroke by a heart attack at the tender age of 17 years old or killed in a tragic drowning accident.

Wondering why I’m so “sober”?

A young actress named Brittany Murphy passed away yesterday at a tender age of 32. I personally feel that her acting career would go further if time allows. There are so many other examples and cases which show people are no longer living the ripe age of 75 years old.

What do we do?

Do we become paranoid and health conscious all of the sudden? Do we wrap our little children in bubble wrap to protect them and lock them at home? Do we cut red meat and eat only vegetables?

Whatever is it you decide – remember this, life here is temporal. The bible says we should not be too attached to the worldly ways.

Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. (Romans 12:2)

I guess there’s why there is so many movies showing spirits unwilling to ascend to the next world with “unfinished” business to attend here like this movie: Over Her Dead Body.

I’ve decided a new resolution this year: nothing big or new to some but a little step out of my shell for me.

I shall put myself outside my comfort zone and try new things. I shall keep making myself uncomfortable to adjust to new surroundings and conditions. I shall learn to be more bold and daring to make choices which are no longer just convenient. For who knows, what that long windy, rocky path might lead me.

It’s enough of smooth sailing in my life now. I shall try to steer this ship into that scary darkening stormy waters. Wish me luck.

*Gulp* And whatever happens, I shall remember this one important word: Immanuel (God is with us) and feel comforted. :)

Truths to Live By

I forgot when I subscribe to FCCI's newsletter, but the Kent Humphreys always have good words to share with us. This is his latest advice: (my opinion is highlighted in blue with added pictures to emphasis the meaning I understood)


10 Truths to Live By (Written by Kent Humphreys)

1. Don’t be religious, but passionately seek to know and love God. Seventy years on this earth will seem but a moment in all eternity.
“Love your God with all of your heart, with all of your soul, and with all of your might” Deuteronomy 6:4, 5

Personally, I think people do mix "religious" with "routinely-doing-things-seemingly-religious." The important thing is your relationship with God.

2. Make your family a priority. Love is spelled “T-I-M-E”. Create opportunities to work and play together.
“Husbands love, wives respect, young children obey, and grown children honor” Ephesians5, 6
(Example 20:12)Working for financial security vs. spending quality time with your family; the dillema for most working parents have. However, a balance between the two can be achieved before it is too late.

3. Have a career that you enjoy and be the best at what you do, both in your company and industry. Never compare yourself to someone else. Balance times of work and rest.
“God will teach him how to choose the best” Psalms 25:12 (L)

If you love doing your work, congratulations! It's a great boon for you to get paid doing what you love. If not, fret not; try to find what works for you and enjoy it. It'll make the working hours pass more quickly. (I wish I can find mine!!)

4. Love and serve those people around you as you observe, listen, and become available to them. Don’t seek to control others, but unselfishly give your life for them.
“Through love serve one another” Galatians 5:13

Even Jesus lived to serve others, what more us - mere beings? It is not degrading to serve others, in fact, it is a priviledge to help others while we can.

5. Build your life on established truths. The latest “opinion polls,” how people “feel,” or current fads are weak foundations on which to build your life.
“I am the Truth” John 14:6 “A wise man who built his house upon a rock” Matthew 7:24

For me, the truths I live by is written in the bible. Hence, I must always do my daily devotion to remind myself of these truths because the temptation to stray is always around.

6. Establish a few intimate friendships and become transparent in small groups. True friends are invaluable and necessary during the storms of life.
“A cord of three standards is not quickly torn apart” Ecclesiastes 4:12

We have many "friends" but how many are true friends? It is important to be transparent and honest with each other. Then we can learn to be accountable and encourage one another in times of need.

7. Keep your word whatever it cost! Be totally honest, trustworthy, and a person of character. Yes, character does matter.
“Who can find a trustworthy man?” Proverbs 20:6

Keep your word - especially to a child. They will remember it for life!
In the workplace, it will show your good character- trustworthy enough to carry more responsibilities.

8. Work hard at learning to be a good communicator. Read a lot, learn to speak, to write and to spell. Be an enthusiastic leader, not a dumb sheep following the crowd over the cliff.
“A wise man will then increase in learning” Proverbs 1:5

Another analogy would be the lemmings jumping over the cliff (remember the lemmings game?). Most of the time, it is safe to follow with majority but never ever follow them blindly and compromise your principles. You do not answer to the crowd, but the our Maker.

9. Make money your slave, not your master, save regularly and avoid debt. “Use it up, wear it out, make it do, or do without.”
“Whoever loves money will not be satisfied” Ecclesiastes 5:10

Yes, I admit, we need money to live in this world. However, why buy a big expensive car you can't use for fear of being rob? Why live in a big bungalow with high security (live a prisoner in your own home) if you fear robbers come in? Live within your means without all this unnecessary worries. In fact, you can even sleep better at night. ;)
Plus you don't have to worry about earning enough money to pay the bills.

10. Persist. Never give up! Know where you are going.
“Trials --> Perseverance --> Character --> Hope” Romans 5:3, 4
First - be sure of your goal so you know where you are working towards. Then never give up. As long as it is what you're meant to do, God will open the way for you.