Monday, December 29, 2014

Surrendering to God?

What happens when you think you have too much challenges?
I love this quote which my senior pastor always says "Hard peanut makes good peanut butter".

I was down and angry last few days due to my sibling dispute. Yes, I am always the black sheep in my family because I am not a "doctor" and traditionally, my family prefers boys over girls. Boys in my family always get away with everything: don't have to do housework, get to go school excursions, get to have late night outings and never get scolded. (My parents made me wished I was borned a son when I was in primary school). At first, I thought maybe they are being over protective because I am a girl... sigh, denial is not a good thing. Even after 3 decades, the proof is still there but I got conned into this phrase my mum claims "I treat all three of you equally".

So yes, even though it doesn't make sense, even thought my brothers are wrong, my parents will always side my brothers.

I was so upset because already knowing this, I asked my father to intervene the already rudeness (no choice was told to accept it by my father to avoid a quarrel....) and now emotional harrassment from my younger brother.

My father said don't involve him and leave him alone.

I feel like running away. I feel so powerless. My hubby cannot do anything and I am forced to accept this because I NEED my parents help to look after my son.

Because I don't earn enough to get a full-time maid like most people do.

What IF I get a maid?
I don't have my own house to place the maid because I am currently "squatting" with my parents.

Why don't have my own house?
Because my hubby believed anywhere else NOT in KL is not a decent location to stay. So out place is in KL.

Why are we staying with my parents?
IRONICALLY, because my hubby got a job half hour away from my parents house.

Why didn't we get another place in Klang?
Because price has increase when my pay gets more decent and basically I have TOO much financial commitments now to afford an almost million dollar house.

Why don't I get an older house within my budget?
Because it will be too far from my parents place for them to ferry and fetch my son and I might end up needing to fork out more money for renovation.

Why am I making so many excuses?
Because I am man. I am full of sins. I am shameless and I never learn to seek God's help. So yes, God, I have never really been touched by You and now I seek your guidance in my inner turmoil.

Why oh why?
I don't know anymore. I am tired physically, emotionally.... What can I do?

I tried running away... finding another place to move out.. Finances is killing me.. My mum would say it wouldn't be a problem if you marry rich.. D'oh

Well, let me pray about it then? ....

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