Ranting

I woke up feeling depressed. I feel neglected, unloved and very used. Why?

My son doesn’t want me (seriously because I don’t spend time with him). My husband is in his own world of handphones and computer. My parents pick on me no matter what I do.

I am tired.

Guess is the last stretch of hormones in this pregnancy.

 

I work and drive an hour plus one way to work. I slave to pay for the household bills and got myself in a higher financial commitment so my family can have a new house nearby my parents.

 
Does my husband help? Only looking and playing with our son.

Other than that, it is thrown onto my shoulders.

He will say I am calculative but looking back at the first pregnancy, he never realised how lucky he is and now.

1. Hubby doesn’t spend a single dime on my pregnancy and confinement. He only pays for delivery and thankfully first baby loved him so much that he came to this world on a weekday, day time and within the maternity package price.

 2. Hubby doesn’t need to even cook, source, buy groceries for any confinement food. I researched and prepared the list so that my parents do everything for me and I guess there is resentment. He doesn’t even help to carry boiled water upstairs for me (typical Chinese belief is that a woman after delivery cannot touch tap water to avoid wind in the body). My aging mum with aching knees is the one who boils and carry upstairs for me.

 

3. Hubby does not bathe or look after the baby. First-time-dad obviously is scared and used the no-experience-excuse.

So will this repeat again? I hope not... (most likely).

Anyhow, why am I further upset?

Well, he had to have to go out the country the week before my delivery and give me a headache. I am 37 weeks pregnant and now I am trying to figure who can be my doula should little baby decide not to wait for daddy.

Even choosing name becomes a drama. It took me a month of finding a Christian my hubby approved. I totally rejected all his selection because my criteria were stricter than his. First baby was so easy – he said yes to my selection. Obviously my mum didn’t like it.

  liked a Chinese name which my mum didn’t allow me to use because it sounds like my late aunt’s name. Is there superstitious for that?. I was hoping for more options of Chinese name from my MIL but she gave me her middle name and I didn’t like the last name she chose. So I am stuck with no name and hubby doesn’t have a worry to his head.

 

I have been backsliding as it is a challenge to prepare the baby (son) and the big baby (hubby) in time to go to church. Personal devotion is void because all I want to do now is sleep. Excuses...

Guess just have to pray.... really hard and hope I don’t go into post natal depression and do something silly to my hubby’s benefit since my will is all prepared and in his name.